Mom was born September 22, 1935 in Toronto. 

 

She died February 11, 2019 ... Monday morning at our home. I was at her side with reminders and recordings of the love of family and friends; with the names of so many there are who care in this life; and the too many amazing people who will be waiting in the next.

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The term 'beloved' is bantered around, but I can use it with confidence after reading Dad's correspondence to mom during time apart before their wedding. Letter after letter, day after day, "I will always love you".

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Jan was a devoted daughter to the late Avis and Jarvis McCurdy, supportive sister to her late brother Dave, willing friend and neighbour ... and beloved wife of Grady Jacobs.

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Jan will be especially missed and remembered by her only sister Dorothy Keeler (the late Bernie Keeler, who was one of mom's favourites), and our 'Aunt' Joanne Michitsch.

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Mom was an understated, quietly attentive, gentle mother. Susan (Joe Baker) and I had her, often unspoken, unconditional love. Our home was filled with simple family meals and not so simple gatherings that often over-filled our small house with family, friends, and much laughter. 

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Susan's children, Stewart and Laura, brought 'Grammie' joy and pride ... and as the knitting and sewing ramped up, the picture brag books began. Elena arrived when Mom was on an Alaskan cruise ... a wonderful welcome home surprise. 

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She was a Forest Hill Collegiate grad. She had fond memories and fun stories of that time and especially cherished her high school and life-long friendship with Kay Hodgins. Wellesley School of Nursing followed, and provided a satisfying career, but more importantly, forged long-lasting connections and friendships, notably Doreen Marshall, Maid of Honour (with late husband Tom, Best Man). It was on the return bus trip from a Florida vacation with Doreen that they met Dad heading to Toronto to work at Avro Arrow.

 

A courtship and marriage followed ... as did a move south, where Dad continued his studies at Georgia Tech. New marriage, new jobs, new friends, and two babies later, Mom and Dad returned to Toronto where Dad finished his degree in Architecture.

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Mom was involved with the Wimodausis charity club, Scottish Country Dancing and a group of friends who danced, vacationed, enjoyed The Eastside Players, and more.  A social life to be envied. This group embraced and included each other, and still does, going on 50 years now.  

 

Kids never really know or think about what our mothers do during the day. We were no exception. We did know, however, that she was home for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  We knew we had homemade clothes and costumes, braided hair each morning, help with school events and projects, and summer camps. We knew we had music lessons and dance classes. And, we knew there was coffee ... much coffee.

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Mom fought after Dad died. She fought to create a 'new normal' for herself at 54. She did so well really. So well that we often missed how difficult it must have been. She fought, and she won.

 

She took a tour to travel Europe even though her diary notes mention how terrified she was. This trip concluded with a wonderful visit to Scotland with Neil and his family. Mom and Dad both cherished Neil, who stayed with them on Belsize while completing his Architecture degree in Canada.  She worked and handled her life on your own. She rebuilt her kitchen, added a deck, continued knitting and learned how to create beautiful stained glass. She  travelled west to visit old friends, the Keeler clan and us.  She travelled south, of course, for the lovely warm weather and Susan's family. She returned to her hospital days and volunteered at Sunnybrook. She remembered and acknowledged birthdays and anniversaries and holidays and continued to make loaf after loaf of Stolen for Christmas.

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In 2013, Richard, Elena and I moved back to Toronto to share a home and life with Mom in the west end. A local community centre, Symes 55+, is where she found a niche and 'her people'. The Wednesday discussion group, "Timely Topics", lead by the unstoppable Doris, was worth the early morning. This group embraced Mom, and she mattered to them. It is here she met Marilyn, who became a quick friend and introduced her to the Unitarian Fellowship. Once a Unitarian, always a Unitarian. This small, but wonderful, group of people welcomed us from day one. They were always around on Sundays to help with Mom's coat, serve her coffee, and include her.  We spent many a lovely pot luck meal with this bunch. Mom enjoyed her walks in our neighbourhood, but only because, I think, she could stop by the Johnston's (Fraser) home around the corner. We were also able to enjoy a picnic or two in High Park with Gloria and Kathy.

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Throughout the years, friends of mine have been there for Mom.  Enough cannot be said about the support given through shared holidays and events, when we were not around. The moves, the chauffeuring, the accompaniment to appointments ... the visiting ... the caring.

 

To Ann, Jordana and 'the girls', Adriane, The Taylor clan (all of you) and Kathy & Janet. Susan and I thank you, more than words can say, for all you did for me and Mom.

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We would also like to thank Martha, Mom's constant and compassionate personal support worker for almost 6 years. She was a bright light in the fog of senior support services. Mom looked forward to Martha's time here, as did I and Diesel the dog.

 

Susan and I want to acknowledgement and thank the Renal Team at St. Joe's for their care.  Without them, we would not have had the invaluable help of The Dorothy Ley Palliative Care Team: Paige, Nurse Terri, and Dr. Roy. Also, thank you to Carolyn and Aaron, from the volunteer-supported Hazel Burns Hospice, for your insight and understanding. Palliative and Hospice Care seems so daunting and dire, but what they offer is a system. For us, it meant a support system outside of relatives or friends that swept in care for Mom and our family. It is a system  for anyone who can't be helped by endless emergency room visits or treks out to multiple doctors. It was the support we needed.

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For those of us left to continue to find light and life, Mom's death has left us a little empty.

She would want us to be filled, day by day, with small joys, appreciation and happy reminders of her. 

 

Raise a toast to her. Have a laugh. Think of her when you have a butter tart or cashews.  Spread on the butter and strawberry jam. Enjoy some geraniums, impatiens or african violets. Cheer on the Blue Jays, Argos or Leafs. Take up a new challenge, or enjoy an old one, like a crossword. Enjoy afternoon tea on the porch, or a drinky poo before dinner. 

"I miss Jan. I miss the idea of Jan" DM.

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Mom, you fought to the end ... We love you, 'little mom'.

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Take a breath, and remember to slow down. 

Be thoughtful. Be kind.

 

Hazel Burns

https://www.hbhospice.com/donate-now.html

 

Dorothy Ley

https://www.dlhospice.org/memorial-giving

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The Unitarian Fellowship of Northwest Toronto

http://www.ufnwt.com/

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